She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
