Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
