i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
