you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Randomize
