I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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