I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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