Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
