sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
