somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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