Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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