Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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