I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
