how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
