Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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