The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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