Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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