The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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