whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
