My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
