nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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