He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
