ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
