Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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