Me. At least after what I've been through.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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