Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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