well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
