When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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