I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cockslap morals
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
