I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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