I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
