just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
