guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
