just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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