Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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