Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
