my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Randomize
