Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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