And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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