He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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