I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
