Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
