Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
