Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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