i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
