Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
