sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
