Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to fling myself into the sun
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
