My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
