It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
so much tequila, so little girl.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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