Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
