I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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