don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
