Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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